by Mike Gerrard

I think I am correct in saying that it is the first time Goort (pronounced Hoort) from Holland has won a Tuesday competition. After struggling with his turn on the backswing, he has now corrected it (for a while that is) and is hitting the ball a lot straighter. (It won’t last.)

Sadly the first Tuesday of the month we do not have a sponsored prize, so Goort would have been better off waiting until next week when we will have the KPK Food Services voucher as the main prize. Ah well, some you win, some you don’t.
Goort scored a very respectable 38 points; the ever-consistent Stuart Gordon, with 36 points, claimed second prize, and Big John Bartley scored 34 points to take third place.
Near pins went to Patrick Browne, Mike Gerrard, Stuart Gordon and Bob Neylon.
It was no wonder Bob Neylon won a near pin. Today was another first. Bob Neylon on a cart. Never been known before.
With all of the above names ineligible for the lucky draw, the following names were the lucky recipients:
The donated massage from the Relax Bar went to newcomer Gerry McCarthy, with his friend and another newcomer Andy Galvin winning the free drink–also donated by The Relax Bar. Third consolation lucky draw prize went to our own David Czernie.

Ellis’s Endeavour Emulates Everyone
E, by gum. It’s all the Es.
With an ever-increasing field of players each week we were subjected to the Thai way of dis-organisation. It seemed that because a tour group had called late for tee times the regular members got pushed back. It is little wonder when you realise that the late-booking group will pay megga bucks for club hire, carts and green fees, as apposed to our member’s rate.
So not only teeing off some 20 minutes later than booked, we had to endure the caddies being allotted to the tour company as well, and we had to wait for caddies. Pity the poor caddies at this time of the year.
Because of financial problems it seems that the courses have laid off a lot of labour this year, including caddies, and most of them are subjected to having to work from 5 a.m. and caddy for the early birds. When they have finished they are made to go round again to caddy for the afternoon players. Just imagine walking 18 holes pulling the heavy carts and then having to go and do it all again in the heat of the day. Strong girls, eh?
So Graham Ellis managed to overpower everyone else with a fantastic 34 points. Yes, folks, it was that sort of day. In second place was Peter Harris with 33 points and, amazingly, yours truly Mike Gerrard in third place with 32 points. Consolation fourth place went to Mukesh Thakker with 29 points. Could not believe it.
You know it’s going to be one of them days when for the first time in a long time I asked someone else to organise the near pins. Think again McDuff.
No near pins were put by the first group out. Afterwards at the inquest it became clear that Denis Dixon should never ever apply for any managerial position.
Never mind, by investigation and honesty for the player we manage to work out who won the near pin prizes. They were Mukesh Thakker, Minere Khan and Peter Harris. With one not claimed that went into the lucky draw. The winners of the lucky draw prizes were Angel Matamala, Denis Dixon (whom we did not want to give it to, but we did) Don Decosta and Goort Gelten.
Much merriment was had by all until we drifted off home (or to someone else’s home) looking forward to the next encounter with the Fairways of Phoenix. The fairways are okay; it’s the greens that are the tricky bit now.
Finally.
A man and his wife go out Christmas shopping and after a while the man disappears. The wife starts to get very agitated and calls him on his mobile phone. When he answers she gives him a lengthy moaning at for not staying with her. He replies, “Hang on a minute love. You know that jewellery shop where you saw that beautiful diamond ring encased in 18 carat gold?” At this she calmed down and started to melt a little and tell her husband she was sorry for shouting. He then went on to say, “Well I am in the bar next door having a beer.”
For information on golf at Phoenix and sea fishing call me on 087 091 7565.
Happy hooking.

Pattaya today newspaper